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What is Sleep Training?

Cutting through the myths to give you the real truth on sleep training.

The first step is understanding what sleep training actually means.

Sleep training is the process of teaching a child how to fall asleep on their own without external help. The core skill they are learning is independent sleep skills.

Sleep training teaches a child to self-settle while also learning how to:

• Transition from being awake to falling asleep independently

• Calm their body and nervous system without being fed, rocked, or held

• Return to sleep during normal night wakings without needing intervention

• Gain confidence that they can trust themselves

Why is this an important skill for children to learn?

Sleep is made up of multiple sleep cycles. Children naturally wake briefly between cycles. When they know how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime, they can use that same skill during night wakings and are better positioned to fall back asleep on their own without intervention.

If they have not learned independent sleep skills, they will likely wake up more often during sleep cycles, call out, and look for the same thing that helped them fall asleep initially.

When a child is dependent on a parent or a prop to help them fall asleep, it prevents them from learning to fall asleep on their own.

What this looks like by age:

• Newborns (0-16 weeks): Parental presence with crib-side soothing, using a soothing ladder at night

• Infants (4–6+ months): Learning to fall asleep without feeding or rocking

• Older babies & toddlers: Learning consistent routines, setting expectations + role playing, and emotional regulation around sleep

My son at 13 months old.

Sleep training does not mean ignoring your child's needs or cries or making a baby stop crying. You are not withdrawing emotionally.

Instead, it helps your child learn a skill they will use for life.

“I know how to relax my body and fall asleep.”

This self-regulation skill also helps children calm down when they are upset or switch between activities as they grow.

By helping your child build healthy sleep habits now, you can reduce future sleep problems and support their lifelong mental and physical health.

Learn More About Sleep Training

➔ There are various sleep training methods to achieve independent sleep.

Whether you stay with your child or give them more space, you can help them learn to sleep on their own if you stick with your chosen method. Sleep training is effective when parents commit to a method and follow it from start to finish.

Many people know about the Extinction Method, also called Cry-It-Out or CIO. While there are other sleep training methods, this is often the one people think of first. When they hear 'sleep training,' they usually assume it means letting the child cry it out.

I don’t use a one-size-fits-all approach in my sleep plans. I work with five different sleep training methods and customize each plan for your child. I’ll recommend the method I think is best, and also give you two or three other options. You can choose the method that feels right for you. While I don’t include CIO in my plans, if you decide to use it, I will support you through the process.

➔ Understanding what "healthy sleep habits" mean for infant and toddler sleep.

Habits are repeated behaviors that condition the brain to anticipate specific outcomes, which may be beneficial or detrimental. When routines are consistently repeated, the brain identifies cues and prepares both the mind and body for subsequent actions. This principle also applies to children's sleep habits. Healthy sleep routines for infants and toddlers are learned behaviors that signal the brain when and how to rest.

Establishing a consistent and predictable routine at the same time each day for naps and bedtime prepares your child's brain for sleep and helps their body settle. During your sleep support consultation, I will assess your child's current nap and bedtime routines and provide recommendations to promote independent sleep habits and effective sleep training.

Facilitating easy sleep onset for your child supports a sense of calm and security, enabling their brain to be prepared for rest during both naptime and bedtime.

Examples of healthy sleep habits include the following:

Maintaining a consistent bedtime and wake-up time
Implementing age-appropriate nap schedules
Establishing a calming and predictable nap and bedtime routine
Encouraging children to fall asleep independently at naptime, bedtime, and when returning to sleep overnight
Creating an environment conducive to sleep

Unhealthy sleep habits are learned patterns that may hinder sleep onset and increase resistance to sleep in children.

Examples of unhealthy sleep habits include the following:

Maintaining inconsistent bedtimes and wake times
Skipping or resisting naps, scheduling naps too late in the day, or experiencing chronically short naps after six months of age
Falling asleep in various locations at irregular times
Demonstrating strong dependence on external assistance, such as rocking, feeding, or holding, to initiate or resume sleep
Engaging with screens or participating in stimulating activities immediately before bedtime
Scheduling bedtimes that are significantly later than the child's natural sleep window

➔ Sleep training and night weaning are entirely different.

Night weaning involves gradually reducing nighttime feeds and shifting those calories to daytime hours. This process helps regulate your child's nighttime hunger and can eliminate habitual waking for feeds.

The decision to wean nighttime feedings is yours. If you prefer to keep 1-2 nighttime feeds, especially to maintain milk supply or follow your pediatrician’s advice, I encourage you to do so. If you choose to pump during feeding times while your child sleeps, I will support that as well. You set your sleep goals, and I am here to guide and support you, helping you feel confident and empowered in your parenting choices.

It is important to remember that a sleep trained child can still feed at night, be put down awake, and fall back to sleep independently.

➔ All Sleep training methods are both safe and highly effective.

You may have seen claims in parenting groups or on social media that sleep training harms children, is cruel, or damages secure parent-child attachment. These statements are unfounded. Instagram, in particular, often spreads misinformation about sleep training.

A child who is loved and cared for around the clock, even when sleeping 10-12 hours at night, and whose needs are consistently met does not lose attachment to their parents simply because sleep training is used to help them improve sleep habits and sleep longer at night.

I have compiled resources to address the misinformation and help shine a positive light on sleep training. I hope this helps you determine whether sleep training is right for you and your family.

Because of inaccurate information about sleep training circulating on social media, I can see how that discourages moms from trying any form of sleep training. Too often, they remain stuck in their sleep situation, coping without adequate rest, facing long nights of frequent wake-ups that cause chronic exhaustion, and bearing the emotional toll of feeling there is no solution to their child's poor sleep habits.

➔ There is a difference between sleep conditioning/shaping and sleep training.

[As long as your baby is healthy & gaining weight]

For newborns up to three months old, you can use gentle sleep strategies that follow your baby’s natural rhythms. Starting these habits early makes it easier for your baby to develop healthy sleep patterns and may mean you won’t need formal sleep training later.

These habits help your baby learn to connect sleep cycles, so sleep becomes longer and more predictable over time. Every baby is different, but if you stick with these routines, many babies can sleep through the night (10-12 hours) by 12 to 16 weeks old.

Formal sleep training is appropriate for infants aged 4 months and older.

➔ Every child can sleep through the night (10-12 hours) by 12-16 weeks of age.

For healthy, growing babies, these tips can help them adjust their sleep patterns and start sleeping through the night (10-12 hours) as early as 12 to 16 weeks old, or sometimes even earlier:

1. Keep a consistent feeding schedule during the day. 2. Follow a daily pattern of eating, playing, and sleeping. 3. Make sure your baby has enough time awake. 4. Avoid letting your baby get overtired. 5. Build healthy sleep habits with regular routines. 6. Set up a good sleep environment and practice good sleep hygiene. 7. Use gentle methods to help your baby learn to fall asleep on their own.

➔ Is sleep training a one-time process or ongoing?

Once your child has mastered this skill, sleep training is complete, and you will not need to use old sleep habits to help your child fall asleep. If your child falls out of their new routine because of sickness or travel and unwanted habits form, that is okay. You can always return to the independent habits your child learned. You may need to use sleep training again to get back on track, but it will likely not take as long as it did the first time.

The key to success after sleep training is keeping daily routines consistent and making sure your child sleeps in their crib. As your child gets older, they might ask for new things at bedtime. If you don’t want to add or keep these habits, it’s okay to be firm and say no. Most children eventually appreciate clear boundaries and become more willing to accept them.

The best advice I can offer is to stay consistent with your sleep routines and expectations, even when your child is sick or traveling. Sleep trained babies are generally less affected by sickness and can still fall asleep on their own and sleep soundly if parents keep to nap and bedtime routines as usual.

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